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Category: Best of the LPB

For penance this year, I will shake my fist in suppressed rage at people who are misbehaving.
It’s the morally-quiver Lent.

Started sketching plans for a beer made from old sandpaper, but it was just a rough draft.

The forecasters promised that Florida would get snow this year, but as of this morning, it was still up in the air.

I made a pillow out of duckling feathers. I was feeling a little down.

Too busy to shop on eBay, so I hired a minion to do my bidding.

Ladies and gentlemen, I may have lost the election, but I still enjoy popcorn, nachos, Milk Duds, and six-dollar Coca-Colas.
Thank you for listening to my concession speech.

“Don’t drink that,” my wife cried, “it’s to spoon over my baby mutton chops while they’re in the oven.”

I did not expect such a lambasting.