_We join now Blankenship T. Wingspan, President of the United States, in the Oval Office. Feet on the desk, he gnaws a cigar._<\/p>\n
[zeppo]<\/strong> The Chairman of the Federal Reserve is here to give his report, sir.<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> Send him in, send him in.<\/p>\n _Harpo enters and sets up a graph on an easel. The graph contains an arrow pointing steadily upwards._<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> Now that looks like wonderful news! That’s great!<\/p>\n _Harpo frowns, shakes his head; turns the graph 90 degrees to the right, so that the arrow now points down off the graph, starts tapping it and whistling_<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> I liked it better the other way. This is depressing. Or depression. I can’t recall which.<\/p>\n _Harpo pulls out a shiny silver balloon, heaves it out the window. We hear a “thud”_<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> What was that all about?<\/p>\n [chico]<\/strong> He’s a say the economy, she’s a drop like a lead balloon.<\/p>\n _Harpo pulls a full ice bucket from his overcoat_<\/p>\n [chico]<\/strong> He’s a say the manufacturing sector, she’s as cold as ice.<\/p>\n _Harpo pulls out a bubble ring and blows some bubbles, then starts poking them_<\/p>\n [chico]<\/strong> He’s a say the housing bubble, she’s a go POP!<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> All right, all right, I get the picture.<\/p>\n [zeppo]<\/strong> This calls for drastic action, Sir!<\/p>\n [chico]<\/strong> At’sa right, Boss! What choo gonna do?<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> Not to worry, men, not to worry. My predecessor left an economic stimulus package right here in this office, for just such an emergency.<\/p>\n [chico]<\/strong> Really? Where at?<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> Right here in this desk drawer.<\/p>\n _Show drawer as it is opened, revealing a roll of duct tape, a bent Slinky, a 3 cent stamp, and a dozen or so paper clips_<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> Well I guess he made a monkey out of me. [looking at camera] And I’m in good company, obviously.<\/p>\n _Chico frantically slaps abacus beads back and forth_<\/p>\n [chico]<\/strong> Not to worry, boss! We still gotta the good will of the American taxpayer! <\/p>\n _Harpo nods enthusiastic agreement_<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> How’s that again?<\/p>\n [chico]<\/strong> ‘Ey, Boss, it’sa easy. All we gotta do is saddle about-a six thousand dollars’ worth of extra debt to each taxpayer, and *they’ll* bail us out! We’re-a fixa the problem!<\/p>\n _A flaming spear sails through the open window and embeds itself on the far wall_<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> What was *that*??<\/p>\n _Harpo pulls a note from the spear, hands it to Chico_<\/p>\n [chico]<\/strong> It’s-a sign, “From-a the American Taxpayer”.<\/p>\n [groucho]<\/strong> Well, no one’s giving *me* the shaft. Boys, I think we’re in the wrong line of work. <\/p>\n _turns bag inside out to reveal the name, “Otto Q. Klumpett, Patent Medicines”, packs a few things in, and stalks out the door_<\/p>\n